Counseling For Those Who Regret Their Abortion

In college, I had a friend whom I used to spend a good amount of time with. We were both business majors and always seemed to end up in the same class. We were somewhat an unlikely acquaintance, I was ultra-conservative; she was ultra-liberal. We used to joke that we should do the show Crossfire as we both knew and like to debate the issues.

Very regrettably, I learned she had an abortion in her past, before I ever knew her. Because of this and how she claimed this ‘procedure’ saved her life, she professed to be a true supporter of abortion rights.

One day, in between classes, she spoke of it in detail to me. Now her opening up to me was not her describing the process of her decision, or the sequences or procedures of that day, it was the specific details of what her child would look like if she were alive that day. She did not know the sex of the baby, but was absolutely convinced it was a little girl. She described every aspect of the description of this little girl to me with such precision, from the spec of green in her eyes, the salty-blonde hair and even the color of the pigtails in her hair. It was obvious that she thought about her child a lot. Her public words told me she supported her decision to have an abortion, but her private words and description told me she regretted it ever since.

She was another victim of Planned Parenthood. An organization that takes women in the front door with seeming compassion and the professional framing of a medical practice, rapes them of their motherhood, collects their payment, then sends them out the backdoor with an emotional scar and endless guilt that will follow them throughout the rest of their life.

Mothers who can not swim will jump in water over their heads to save their children. The maternal instinct is the most predominant and overriding instinct that women have. Abortion is a direct attack at this overwhelming instinct and slices the heart of this instinct out from their soul leaving a non-healing scar. I believe all women whom have an abortion will eventually, in the deepest recesses of their heart, or at least in their subconscious, regret the reality of their act.

I thought about my college friend when I read the following poem written by Ashli at The Sicle Cell blog. She regrets and lives with daily her decision to have an abortion, and wrote this poem to her child on what would be her child’s 11th birthday. She named her baby Tennessee:

"Tennessee, I'm thinking of you on your due date. You would be 11 this year. A little girl at church is 11 today. I watch her grow on Sundays and think of you. Today, in spite of the sadness, in spite of the shame, which there always is, because THAT'S abortion for you--today I thought of the preciousness of your life and the reality of your being. I thought of the beauty of you, and I was and am thankful for the life you were given. I am thankful for the loveliness of your being, which has stayed with me like the sweet lingering scent of a baby's downy-soft nape.

Your name and your life are known. The truth of your death, revealed in all its gory. Death where life was...life where death would have been (your book)...that is the bittersweet song of you.

This year, through the cascade of tears, I celebrate you. For everything you were, everything you could have been, everything you are. Stay with me. Always stay. Be mine anyway; let me love you forever."

I would highly recommend a Rachel’s Vineyard weekend for those women who have horrible scars from their decision to have an abortion. In this weekend, mothers begin the grieving and healing process. They discuss their decision with the support of woman like themselves who know what they are experiencing. They get to name their child, grieve properly and confession is offered for those whom wish to bring themselves to God’s mercy, which we all need.

VCR hero, Fr. Frank Pavone is the spiritual director of this cause and states on their website:

"You have found a safe place to come with your pain -- a pain that you often feel will never go away. Here at Rachel's Vineyard, you will meet people who understand, because they are in the same position that you are. You will meet people who care about you and about the child (or children) you have lost. You will meet people who know the way of healing, and are ready to welcome you into that journey that leads to mercy and peace."