A Roadmap to Save Webster Cook

As some might know, Webster Cook's father posted on my blog this A.M. He blamed everyone for the mess his son is in, The Catholic League, me, etc... except the real cause:

You should be more diligent in your understanding of facts before making such hostile statements about another person. My family respects the freedom of all to worship as they see fit. Someone who publicly claims to "bring Fortune 100 companies to their knees" should examine their own arrogance, rather than casting aspersions on teenagers. Your hostility and thirt for vengence is quite unchristian.I'll bet that you are too arrogant to risk posting this comment as well?!

Brian W. Cook, MD, FACEP Father of Webster Cook

Driving to work this morning, and thinking about his father’s post, I started to feel sympathy for Webster for the first time. He is getting himself deeper and deeper into this mess and doesn’t have the tools or parental guidance to get himself out of it.

So in realizing this Webster, being a devout Catholic and knowing how we think, here is a blueprint for your way out:

1) This first step will be the most difficult from what I am seeing and the success of all the other steps will be contingent on it. Come to a sincere understanding of the horrible act you did and take full, 100% responsibility. None of this, "I was wrong, but still believe…"; "I was wrong, but so were they…"; "after everything, I still don’t think state money should be used for this…"; and the "I still just wanted to show my friends" nonsense. As you saw by the first apology, a half-hearted apology just gets you in deeper. We need a 100% contrite apology accepting responsibility for your actions and not, "I was not aware of this or that…". When Mel Gibson said those hateful words against our Jewish brethren, his apology was something like, "there are no excuses and my actions were despicable, period." The apology should be address to all Catholics everywhere and asking for their forgiveness.

2) Type up copies of this apology. Give one to the head of the campus ministry, one to the bishop of the diocese, and send one to Bill Donohue at the Catholic League to be distributed nationally. I know Bill Donohue. He is the most tenacious person you will ever meet, but when a sincere and complete apology is given he turns charitable instantly. He is very street smart and if he smells there is some reservation or insincerity in the apology, he will continue his campaign relentlessly.

3) Sign up voluntarily for 6 months of "sensitivity" counseling.

4) Tell the Catholics on Campus you will volunteer for a certain amount of hours of public service, offering your services for the desecration you did to their Faith. They probably won’t trust you with anything liturgical, but you can do something. Sell tickets to something, do some gardening around the chapel, give an elderly person a ride to Mass. Describe this as your "penance" to them a term that Catholics will relate to.

5) When all this is done, give the final letter of the apology to the Catholics on campus you are bringing the phony charges against. Tell them how wrong you were, and you will drop all charges against them immediately. Also tell them that you will accept any judgement coming to you without any protest. Put your trust in their kindness. Most likely after all these gestures, no one will feel good about expelling you and you might have saved yourself of a reputation that would have followed you the rest of your life. UCF would love to have this issue resolve itself without them involved. They have been flooded with e-mails from Catholic League members for the last few days and know this is high profile and requires some punitive action if there is no resolve between the parties.

This is the advice I would give my son if he screwed up as bad as you did.